atrusrogue

btfulnightmare @ 9:59pm: Bad Person
I really dislike feeling like a bad person for having needs. Needs that are not being met despite constant discussion.

I really just don't know what I'm going to do. I feel like I have no options any more.

btfulnightmare @ 2:31pm: I rarely do meme's, but I liked this one
Leave me a comment saying "Resistance is Futile."
• I'll respond by asking you five questions so I can satisfy my curiosity.
• Update your journal with the answers to the questions.
• Include this explanation in the post and offer to ask other people questions.

questioned by parhelli0n


1. I rarely hear you discuss your family. Can you tell me about them?

My mother and father got divorced when I was about 2. I am one of the rare children of divorce that actually came out better for it. My father lives in Wisconsin, and I went to massage therapy school out there. He has lived there almost my entire life. Both my parents remarried when I was 6. My stepmother is a wonderful woman whom I love dearly, and my stepfather is a childish jackass of gigantic proportions. My Mother is wonderful, over bearing, and knows how to throw a guilt trip. I love her very much though. She is fiercely loyal, and has a spiteful streak a mile long. Hmm wonder where I got it? She has always been there for me, even if she didn't quite know how.

I have two siblings, a half sister who is the complete polar opposite of me, and a step sister who I have had an on again off again relationship with. My little sister is beautiful, blond, and tiny (think a short Barbie doll). I have always been jealous of her looks. I keep saying she got the "good genes". Come to find out this year she thinks that I can do no wrong, so now we have my mother spinning with our "you love her more" comments. Its actually quite funny. My little sister may have gotten the "good genes" when it comes to looks, but I got the brains.

My stepsister is older then me and, well, we never really got along. She dropped out of high school the last half of senior year, got into drugs, and has a son. I don't get to see my nephew because I'm sick of trying to talk to her, and being ignored. We don't talk except at family functions, and even then not really

2. If you had to pick a career, and nothing was out of your reach, what would you be when you grew up?
A doctor. I actually really want to go back to school. I love helping people. I'm also a closet medical geek. I just don't have the money for college though. Part of me is kicking my ass for not doing it when I graduated high school.

3. Why massage? As much as I would love to go to med school, the appeal of massage for me has always been the healing aspect. My mother has degenerative disk disease, and very bad arthritis. I starting working on her back when I was 9 years old, and saw the effect that massage can have on the human body. It fascinated me. Here I was, helping someone with just my hands. No medication, no exercises, just me. Its something that still amazes me today.

4. You're Pagan-ish, I know, but I don't know that we've ever discussed it beyond that. Godz?
I started researching paganism when I was 14. At first I was one of the Fluffy Bunny teen goths who had just seen the Craft, but after I got to looking, I realized there was more. My mother didn't raise me with any kind of faith, and I had found one that really resonated with my internal ideals. I was very much "into" celtic paganism up until the last few years. Brigid is still my main goddess/influence, but I have been branching out into researching other faiths. In high school I finally decided Christianity was not for me through trial and error with going to both catholic and Lutheran services. Now, one of my other geek interests is religion. I'm currently studying voodoo, because I really just don't know much about it. My own ritualistic practices are not conformed in any way. I do ritual when I feel like I need it, or my goddess needs it from me.

5. If we decided to light tonight, would you come?
Absolutely. I don't know if I would light up, but I would love to come and watch. I haven't been practicing as much as I could be, or even want to. I do much better with things when I have people to do things with, or teach me. I am capable of self teaching, however with out a push to strive for more, I often let things fall to the way side.

tehuti @ 1:15pm: Made It Cry Like a Little....
Remember when we bombed the Moon last month? They found water after all. Pretty cool.

tehuti @ 8:29am: Quote of the Day
There's a kerfuffle brewing in my life. Nothing life-changing, but with potential consequences. I'll write more about that later, maybe. Although lately I haven't found the time for much writing that isn't school related. Not much time for anything that isn't school related, actually.

Here is today's Quote of the Day.

Today's Inspirational Quote:

"What is a weed? A plant whose virtues have not yet been discovered."

-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

**Points to Icon** Definitely the way I look at the world. :-)

sylvari @ 8:16am: A quick hello
Long time no lj update. I apologize for the lapse but life has been
both too hectic and too slow. The biggest problem has been a small
case of the ick. While I have not had full blown flu symptoms I have
been amazingly tired, sore in all my joints, falling asleep when I
least expect it, exhausted most of the time and (again thanks to
anaquana for this) full of a feeling of malaise. So if I have been
less than communicative my apologies. I am finding that just getting
to the end of my day is a struggle at the moment.

tehuti @ 2:00am: From Twitter 11-11-2009

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tehuti @ 2:00am: From Twitter 11-10-2009

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btfulnightmare @ 2:04am: Return to Night Life
Tomorrow night will be the first time in a little over 2 years that I will be going to Haven. Any one up for a Tuesday night out?

tehuti @ 2:00am: From Twitter 11-09-2009

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btfulnightmare @ 10:34pm: Personal Victories
In the last 3 weeks I have been making a conscious effort to lose weight. I had weighed my self at a friends house and I was tipping the scales at a personal high of 250 lbs. I have made it to the gym 2 times in the last two weeks, and gone for walks in between. I went out sat night and was active and dancing all night.

As of tonight I have shaved 20 seconds off of my mile on the treadmill and lost 7 lbs. I am very happy with my progress. I endeavor to keep up the good work.

tehuti @ 2:00am: From Twitter 11-08-2009

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tehuti @ 2:00am: From Twitter 11-07-2009

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tehuti @ 11:29pm: Healthcare Bill Passed the House
I don't think I need to bother to link to any articles about the vote. The media will be all over this for the next week while the Senate has its turn. I will however post this, from my Inspirational Quote of the Day email. It's sage advice for anyone, but particularly useful to our Senators right now:


"Move out of your comfort zone. You can only grow if you are willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable when you try something new."

-- Brian Tracy

btfulnightmare @ 4:57pm: Break Down
I woke up this morning with a stomach bug out of a cold sleep. I spent the first 45 min of this day in the bathroom. I spent the rest of the morning trying to go back to sleep to no effect. I also ended up crying my eyes out so hard I couldn't go to work. I did not figure this out until I was 2 min away from work, and now feel like a giant jack ass. I went into work and talked to my manager and told her I couldn't work today. I was crying so hard while apologizing. I almost NEVER call out of work. I pretty much always have it together enough to get through a shift.

Its been a while since I felt the need to hurt my self. Really hurt my self. I'm going to resist, but I hope today gets better.

tehuti @ 8:27am: Guy Fawkes Day
Remember, remember, the 5th of November
The Gunpowder Treason and plot ;
I know of no reason why Gunpowder Treason
Should ever be forgot.

Guy Fawkes, Guy Fawkes,
'Twas his intent.
To blow up the King and the Parliament.
Three score barrels of powder below.
Poor old England to overthrow.
By God's providence he was catch'd,
With a dark lantern and burning match

Holloa boys, Holloa boys, let the bells ring
Holloa boys, Holloa boys, God save the King!

Hip hip Hoorah !
Hip hip Hoorah !

A penny loaf to feed ol'Pope,
A farthing cheese to choke him.
A pint of beer to rinse it down,
A faggot of sticks to burn him.
Burn him in a tub of tar,'
Burn him like a blazing star.
Burn his body from his head,
Then we'll say: ol'Pope is dead.

tehuti @ 3:00am: From Twitter 11-04-2009

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sariel_t @ 11:37am: Setlist: Dark Intentions Devil's Night, 10/30/09.
I promise I'll actually update my journal soon. In the meantime, here are setlists from Dark Intentions Devil's Night! Me and Xero were reunited, and it was full of awesome!!!

Without further a due, the tracklists.

Set 1
Tears Of... - Akira Yamaoka
What's Going On - A Perfect Circle
30kft - Assemblage 23
Forsaken (vocal version) - VNV Nation
Suffocating Right - Neurotic.Fish
Wreath of Barbs - :wumpscut:
Fairytales - Alice Deejay
We Are Shangri-La - Skinny White Chick
#1 Crush - Garbage
Lullaby - The Cure
Feathery Wings - Voltaire
The Islander - Nightwish


Set 2
Zombienation [v2k5] - Grendel
Dead Enough For Life - Icon of Coil
Smack My Bitch Up/Orinoco Flow - Prodigy vs. Enya
Dead Stars - Covenant
Drtygrrls/Drtybois - Faderhead *r
This Is The Hook - BSOD
Mars - Fake Blood
D.A.N.C.E. Right Round (Party Ben Mash-Up) - Justice vs. Dead or Alive
Spin Me Harder - Daft Punk vs. Dead Or Alive *r
Until the End of the World - Apoptygma Berzerk *r
Military Fashion Show - And One *r


TAG with Xero!
X - Dead Man's Party - Oingo Boingo
P - They Don't Want Us Closer (DJ Purple Mash-Up) - NIN vs. Michael Jackson
X - Water - Ogre
P - Hospital - The Faint
X - Ghostbusters Theme


*r = request

I think that second set of mine was one of the best I've ever dropped.

tehuti @ 3:00am: From Twitter 11-03-2009

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tehuti @ 3:01am: From Twitter 11-02-2009

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btfulnightmare @ 11:48am: My Southern Husband Is Rubbing off on me
What am I making for lunch today?

Fried Catfish
Green Beans
Mashed potatos

Yep thats right. A big southern lunch. Why? Because I wanted to have it for dinner but I fear I will be too tired by the time I get home at 9:30pm ish to make it.